I think my fart just growled at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize