I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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