to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
