you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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