When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
