Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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