I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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