Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
