I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
