Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize