Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
