sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
