Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
