Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
