the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
