Duck Duck Cougar?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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