Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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