Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My pussy is not your playground.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
