If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
