Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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