We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
