Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize