I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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