Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
