I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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