well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
