OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
