So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
