just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
