Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
