That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
