I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize