Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
