anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's get the cat blown out
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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