don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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