Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
