you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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