Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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