Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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