Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
