they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
