my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
