Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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