discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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