Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
