I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize