I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
