Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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