is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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