I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
