im having a threesome with these popsicles
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
