Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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