i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
