we have pet lesbian snakes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
