i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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