Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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