it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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