I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Two words: blizzard sex
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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