Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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