Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
