i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
