Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
