i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
