The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can feel your judgement through the phone
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
