if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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