Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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