Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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