Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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