First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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