The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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