i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
