You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I AM VODKA MAN
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
