Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You did what with his pubic hair?
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