My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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