He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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