I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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