Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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