We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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