You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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