ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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