Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
