I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
