Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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