this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
